My past messages are gathering cobwebs and it seems like I ghosted. Sorry about that. Life got a little…. unpredictable.

So where have I been?

“Stories From the Sidelines” made its debut in September! But some big changes also emerged.

A long season of working at my beloved church came to an end, and uncertainty, seeking, waiting, and anxiety marked its departure- along with a generous heap of sadness. Despite my plans to remain in Los Angeles for, well, forever, God had other ideas. A new adventure began with putting everything I owned in boxes and saying tearful goodbyes. Then with a U-Haul and a prayer, I headed up the coast to say hello to a completely different life- in Tacoma, Washington! A church welcomed me as their youth director and into their joy-filled community, complete with hopes of a fresh start and delights to be discovered.

What about the book?

What a joy that “Stories From the Sidelines” is out in the world! Readers have found encouragement in each chapter, walking alongside people who are often overlooked and forgotten. I’ve loved sharing the narratives and am eager to invite others to meet the people in these pages. Have you read it yet? If not, you can find it here, or tell a friend about what you saw in the stories.

All the wild life changes really limited my ability to promote this book well, so I’m immensely grateful for your support.

What comes next?

Ah, the perpetual question for us all. Here, it will be dedicating attention to my new job and community, including exploring Tacoma, spending time with friends, and even trying gardening for the first time!

Meanwhile, I am still looking for God in the details of everyday living and, of course, figuring out how to best share “Stories From the Sidelines” without marketing becoming my lifestyle. And, to be honest, learning how to respond to all of the happenings in our country right now takes a good deal of attention, too.

I want to tell you about:

- How God surprised me with this plot twist!

- The struggles of letting go and moving forward

- Making sense of everything when it feels like chaos salad

- The adventures of navigating the unknown

Thanks for sticking with me. I haven’t forgotten you, and I’d love to bring you along for this new season of God’s incredible journey. I’d love to hear your stories, too. We’ve got some catching up to do.

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The past month (and 11 days) has been quite something. In addition to the usual work schedule:

We celebrated the Fourth of July by making Turkish lamps from a kit (not thematic, but it was fun!).

An Italian tall ship came to town.

A last-minute road trip took me to places on the West Coast I’d never visited.

There was also cat-sitting for a friend, more edits to “Stories From the Sidelines,” a game night at church, and an art night with friends. I organized my closet, read “Lessons in Chemistry,” and volunteered at a neighborhood center event. And while these things sound fabulous (and they were), I also worried about Yoshi’s health as an aging pup requires more care, handled my meds as depression shifted to mania, balanced a budget, and dealt with day-long water shut-offs during apartment plumbing repairs.

Did you see what was missing from that list?

Once again, I frequently neglected to notice God.

I’m not talking about the discipline of regular Bible-reading, sit-down-and-pray sessions, or starting the day with “quiet time.” Those things are great, but this is about the essential practice of including God in the everyday stuff.

That looks different for us all, because our lives are so varied. For me, it’s intentionally incorporating 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Confession: Being silent, still, and solely focused on prayer for long periods of time is extremely difficult for me. Scattered notes in my journal become letters to God or I utilize prayer beads with colors that correspond with categories of prayer. When my mind inevitably wanders, I can find my place again.

But there’s a different approach that Paul writes about to the church in Thessalonica. When I read “continually,” I ask,

“What if we never said ‘amen?’”

Our prayers can pause and pick up again as we speak and listen throughout the day. Since God never leaves us, doesn’t it make sense to talk to Him during everything? It doesn’t always need to be an in-depth conversation. Just like we converse with friends and co-workers: sometimes at length and other times briefly. We have our heart-to-hearts with the Lord and also interjections of rejoicing and thankfulness. We can discuss our fears in the moment and ask for help the instant we’re uncertain. What if we simply pointed out how beautiful the sunset is (is it appropriate to want to high-five our Creator for a job well done)? Would it make a difference in our prayer lives if we rehashed a meeting at work, coffee with a friend, or anything else we would chat about with a fellow human?

Yet, all the recent happenings have distracted me. It seems easy to look away from God, secure that He’s always there, and then forget to turn back to Him again. And when we finally pay attention, it might feel like catching up with a loved one we haven’t seen for so very long.

This isn’t a step-by-step tutorial where I reveal the secret to a consistently dedicated prayer life. I’m still trying to figure that out, too. But I write this to you as….

A reassurance- If you feel this way, too, you’re not alone and there’s no condemnation.

A recognition- When we shine a light on this, we turn toward God and He helps us grow.

A reminder- Perhaps this is an “oh yeah!” moment for you, too.

and

An encouragement – It’s easy to restart right now. Pause reading and tell Him anything. We don’t have to be fixated on what our prayer habits lack, but instead renew our intentions going forward. We get unlimited start-overs. I have a feeling that every time God hears from us, He’s delighted.

 Dear friend, we’re navigating all of this together, and I’m thankful that we can share our struggles as well as hope. When our walk with Christ also becomes a car ride with Christ, a trip to the grocery store with Christ, a cleaning house with Christ, or wherever our days find us, we can rejoice, talk with Him continually, and give thanks in it all.

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Hello from the summertime! (Yes, I did sing that like Adele.)

As the sun shines so generously upon us, I want to share one of my favorite cool treats. But really quick, I’ve got some good “Sidelines” news:

We can preorder “Stories From the Sidelines” on Amazon!

AND I have presents for you! I want to send you a few goodies after you preorder, so just tell me where to mail them (click here). I’m sending stickers and bookmarks, as well as a signed bookplate for each book!

There are also some extra bonuses for multiple orders. The details are here.

Ok, let’s talk lemon shake-ups.

Have you ever had one at a county fair? Lemons, ice, and a ridiculous amount of sugar are shaken together to become the most refreshing, delicious summer treat. It may sound like ordinary lemonade, but it’s somehow magical from the first sip to the sad moment when the straw makes that slurping noise and you realize that all you have left is pulpy ice.

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I found a simple recipe for a lemon shake-up in a jar! I’m not being dramatic to say that it has transformed my summers. In the spirit of not being annoying by making you scroll past a big long story for a recipe, here it is:

Mash together ¼ cup of sugar and a lemon (cleaned and quartered) in a quart jar (the handle of a wooden spoon works well). Fill the jar with ice cubes but leave some space at the top. Fill the jar with water, leaving about an inch so there’s room for shaking. Put the lid on and make sure it’s secure. Then shake vigorously (but don’t drop the glass jar!) for 45-90 seconds! Remove the lid, add a straw, and taste the joy.

(I didn’t invent this, but I can’t find the source for credit.)

Now here comes the part where life gives us lemons.

When they say “make lemonade” out of these life lemons, it sounds as peaceful as rocking on a front porch in the country after gently stirring a pitcher of lemon juice and sugar water. But often, that’s not how it goes.

Maybe you have lemons like mine. Juggling multiple jobs is a little overwhelming and, my goodness, this apartment has become mild chaos thanks to limited cleaning time and failed attempts at completing projects. Add managing mental health and it’s pretty lemon-y around here.

But there’s also sugar. The kids at church are a joy, and recently we made giant bubbles, tiny bows and arrows, and a medium-sized graham cracker candy model of Solomon’s temple. My plants are mostly thriving as I’m learning how to keep them alive. And I’m grateful to spend time with some of my incredible loved ones in the midst of the hustle.

Throw in ice cubes of daily challenges with unexpected events, and then here comes the shaking. It all gets jostled together, mixing as lemons collide with ice while sugar whirls around to tame the sourness. It’s a complicated blend.

But suddenly the shaking pauses. And the lemon shake-up actually tastes amazing if the ingredients were balanced well. We get a few moments of rest and delight.

That is, until we finish the jar. Then the process begins all over again.

This isn’t a new metaphor, and we’re familiar with what Ecclesiastes 3 says about our lives. There’s a time for everything: birth and death, tear down and build, mourning and dancing, all of it. But something else can transform our lemon shake-up.

I like to add strawberries.

Just like the sweet berries add more flavor, our time with God transforms our shaken-up lives. We become more aware of His comforting presence, reassuring grace, and immense love. Of course, the Lord is always with us, but we frequently miss seeing Him because we aren’t looking in His direction. Intentionally including Christ can make our shake-ups incredible.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11

We will still taste the sour moments and the sweet will still come. Being shaken is difficult and can be painful, but we can trust our good Heavenly Father to be there through it all. He will make everything beautiful at the right time. And sometimes it takes an actual delicious drink from an icy jar to help us remember that.

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Hello! This post is going to be short and sweet, but super cool.

A getaway retreat to refresh mind, body, and spirit sounds so wonderful, but it's difficult to find the time and funds to go. So I'd like to give you a resource for a one-day personal retreat at home (or anywhere that might be relaxing)!

This can be enjoyed alone or with friends on any day. It's designed to be customizable to fit you well. Retreat activities includes Bible study, rest, prayer, fun, and self-care so you can take a break from the hustle and reconnect with the Lord.

Download it here!

I pray this retreat resource is a blessing, and please feel free to share this with family and friends!

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Imagine being surrounded by a massive crowd- every one of your family and cousins and neighbors and friends and community members- along with intense feelings of excitement and uncertainty. Together, you walk away from the only home you’ve ever known, one under the harsh rule of Pharaoh in Egypt. Do you dare believe you could have a life away from slavery? After years of oppression, God offers hope and an opportunity to escape.

When Pharaoh released the captives, the Israelites took their first steps on a long road to a new promised home.

               When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle. (Exodus 13:17-18)

               What could be worse than back-breaking work and Pharaoh’s cruelty? Yet, the dangers of war had the potential to send God’s people scurrying back to those horrible conditions. Perhaps it was the proverbial “better the devil you know” situation. But the Lord’s plan was freedom, so by cloud and fire in the sky, He led them to safety. He always knows the best route.

               The very same Heavenly Father who rescued the Israelites continues to care for us today. He directs our steps with our best interest in mind, while sometimes taking us the long way to His good plans for us.

               This seems counter-intuitive because we often only see difficulty there and assume the worst. We’re impatient to reach our goals, desires, and accomplishments as we cling to peace and security. We’re willing to settle for less-than-ideal situations because at least they’re familiar and we’ve learned how to handle them. Nothing’s perfect, right? But we miss so much and endure unnecessary hardship when we fearfully retreat from God.

               Twenty years ago, God led me from Ohio/Kentucky to Los Angeles. The potential of my next life season along with the adventure of a new place was exhilarating, but not easy. I was still new at adulthood and struggling with my mental health. Juggling full-time school and working to pay bills was exhausting. The voices of well-meaning friends and family who believed this was a temporary move nagged at my uncertainties. And Ohitucky wasn’t so bad, really.* I could always go back, and that would be ok, right?

               I can easily picture taking “the short road” and being in over my head if I rushed into a job in the tv/film industry that I was unprepared for, jumped into problematic relationships, or spent money unwisely. But as I followed the Lord down a long journey to finish school, start a career, and (to be honest) grow up, He provided more than manna and quail in the wilderness. God gave me a supportive “adoptive family.” There were some incredible delights mixed in with difficulties. Of course, there’s no way I can summarize the past twenty years, but I would definitely describe it as “the long way.” Job changes, financial struggle, a bipolar diagnosis, and divorce were part of the rocky path, but that also included incredible people, abundant love, and even some miracles.

               Fear drives us back to familiar places, even when they are unhealthy, uncomfortable, or undesirable. We trust God to a point, but the uncertainty of an unseen future shakes our confidence. However, when we bravely step away from all those “un”s, we discover something remarkable:

Experiencing difficulties cultivates security.

Every time we rely on God, our faith increases. Our trust grows and we feel safer in His care. As we walk through trials with the Lord, we understand a little more about Him. He eases our anxiety bit by bit as He leads us step by step. We develop a better view of the big picture and expand our belief in God’s limitless possibilities. Things may not go as we planned, but sometimes the surprises are better than we imagined.

If we only take “the short way” directly to what we think is best, we aren’t prepared for the obstacles we are likely to face. If they are daunting, like the threat of war for the Israelites, we quickly retreat to familiar places where we aren’t meant to stay. We miss the beautiful blessings waiting on the scenic route to a promised destination.

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               * To be clear, Ohio and Kentucky are nothing like slavery in Egypt. Please do not judge them thusly. Apologies to the tourism boards of these states.

The Observation Deck still inspires creativity during this writing season full of detail-focused editing and preparation for the new book. The pack of cards features activities that encourage writers, and you might remember it from a previous post.

My current card suggests that a specially designated writing space could nurture ideas and promote a disciplined page-to-pen routine. Perhaps a favorite candle, photos, art, favorite pens, or displayed quotes would create a “sacred” environment. In this context, the word doesn’t mean holy, but instead set apart for thoughtful work with words.

But this is what I had.

There’s no way writing will happen on a desk covered in a drop cloth, paint, and brushes. The space was overcome with supplies left over after an art night with friends on Zoom. Clearly, this needed to be cleaned. Then it could become a sacred space.

After some much-needed attention, notebooks are ready and the desk now has room for my laptop. Shells and rocks from the beach are sprinkled among a few joyful items, like my first colorful attempt at embroidery and a glass chicken that reminds me of childhood at my Mamaw and Papaw’s house. Life-filled plants usher in fresh air from the open window. And though the paintbrush caddy remains, it *does* represent creativity, right?

However, it didn’t feel any more sacred than before.

There might as well have been a light bulb shining above my head when I finally realized what was missing: the creating. It doesn’t matter how clean or messy the desk is, what makes it sacred is expression through art or with words. And when it was a virtual Zoom gathering place, friends across the country laughed and encouraged each other. That made it even more special.

What about *actual* sacred places, the places where we meet with God? How do we find or create these places?

In John 4:21-24, a Samaritan woman pointed out to Jesus that, while her people believed that the mountain was the hallowed place to worship the Lord, the Jewish people regarded the temple in Jerusalem as the proper worship location. While sipping cool well water, Jesus explained, “Woman, believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem… a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

Sacred is wherever God is, and His Spirit is within us. We can’t really build sacred places, but we find them anywhere we worship Him. Talking to God? Sacred. Humming a praise song? Sacred. Reading the Word? Also sacred. Loving our neighbor with Christ’s compassion? Definitely sacred. Gathering with our siblings in Christ to honor Him is yet another way we discover holy ground in the Lord’s presence.

Right this moment, wherever you are, is a perfect sacred space. Whether through a short, heartfelt prayer or extended quiet time in God’s peace, we are near His heart.

So here’s the gift I have for you! I gathered some special Easter music for your worship time- that’s honestly delightful throughout the entire year. Check it out here (if you don’t already use Spotify, it’s free and easy)! Be blessed, dear friend.

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There’s some big news for Stories From the Sidelines, and I couldn’t wait to tell you (even before posting it on my personal Facebook).

Are you ready for this??

This is the first look at the official cover art, thanks to the publishing and design team at Ambassador International! (It’s ok to applaud.)

But there’s even more exciting information: you can be encouraged by Stories From the Sidelines as early as September 24^th! We have a lot to look forward to between now and then, and I promise to keep you in the know. We’ve got a launch party to plan, people to tell, inspiring stories to share, and preorder bonuses to prepare.

Yep, that’s right, I’m working on a small thank you for those who preorder. It’s still in the works, but you can get in line for your copy starting…. now. Ambassador International opened preorders through their site, and pretty soon we’ll have links for Amazon, ChristianBook, and other favorite retailers.

I’m so glad to have you along for the Sidelines journey as we remember forgotten biblical folks and search for God’s purpose in our own lives today. We’ve got a lot to discover together.

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Stories from the Sidelines is currently with the editor! Meanwhile, the cover art is being finalized, which means one step closer to sharing with you. I’m brainstorming how we’ll celebrate the release in the fall. When The Other Three Sixteens was published in the thick of pandemic lockdowns, we had various fun activities throughout the day. We can improve that and celebrate together despite any distance.

In other news, I have something for you!

Are you doing anything to observe Lent this year? Ash Wednesday is February 14^th, which is also Valentine’s Day along with all the other things happening in life. Some folks give something up until Easter, others contemplate repentance, many focus on serving through acts of kindness, and it’s a good time to do a special Bible study or other reading. But can I be honest? While my heart wants to honor the season, throwing another thing into the daily mix feels overwhelming. You, too? That’s why I made this.

It's a simple Lent devotional that highlights one of Jesus’ parables each Sunday. On each weekday, there’s a card to cut out and take with you. It only has a single verse, question to think about, and short prayer prompt. This is designed to help us spend time with Christ and prepare our hearts for Easter even while our schedules continue their perpetual motion.

You can download it HERE- absolutely free, no email address required. It would also be a blessing if you shared it with your friends and loved ones.

There will be more free resources coming this year, and I’ll be sharing them here first. Subscribe and you won’t miss a thing!

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Before sharing how a nostalgic Spotify playlist turned out to be more than expected, I have a little book news!

It’s not public yet, but I got a glimpse of the cover for “Stories From the Sidelines!” The Ambassador International team is doing an amazing job once again. I can’t wait to show you, because it’s pretty beautiful. Until then, here’s the previous cover by their design team to help you imagine what the next one could be.

Meanwhile, have you heard of Shepherd? It’s a fabulous new site where authors recommend their favorite books, usually on a theme to make it easier to find something you know you’ll love. The list I compiled is a group of books that encouraged me when my spiritual life wasn’t feeling so great. You can find it here.

Ok, now for stuff that was on my mind and I’m hoping you might be able to relate.

Is there a name for the phenomena where music nestles itself so securely in the folds of our brains that it becomes rooted forever? Though it might temporarily hide, the smallest reminder brings it front and center, demonstrating our remarkable talent for remembering the Doublemint gum jingle or every word of the Old Navy Performance Fleece commercial or all the various lyrics we enthusiastically sang in our cars over the past decade. 

Those examples are so very clearly from the 90s (yes, current teenagers, we hear you call it the late 1900s), and they aren’t the only tunes lodged in my hippocampus. That era of CCM (contemporary Christian music) provided the soundtrack to my small-town-Ohio high school years, featuring Third Day, DC Talk, Jennifer Knapp, The Newsboys, Rebecca St. James, and so many more. They produced abundant catchy songs, wrapping nuggets of theology in their harmonious rhythms.  

My faith was beginning to sprout beyond Sunday School lessons and easy acceptance of my parents’ beliefs. My developing mind questioned and analyzed, with just enough rebellion to challenge some of what I’d been taught. However, whatever the so-very-cool musicians were crooning from my discman headphones must be correct. After all, they wouldn’t let just anyone record an album, right?

And so my formative spiritual years were heavily influenced by concerts and cds. Ideas about God were woven subtly into my heart and helped shape what I believed without me even realizing it. Years later (let’s not count how many), the occasional nostalgic playlist brings them out of hiding, surprising me at what I’ve held onto for all these years (that we’re still not counting).

The first bouncy notes of DC Talk’s “In The Light” cued a light-hearted sing-a-long. An uplifting chorus declared that we want to be in the light just as God is in the light, shining like the stars in the heavens. Verses examined our struggle with sin and the need for the Lord’s righteousness. But when the second verse began, I suddenly heard the words coming out of my own mouth:

The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Hold up. I’m not gonna get too deep into a therapy session here, but suddenly a lot of my issues with self-loathing were waving their little flags. Maybe I’d misheard it all these years? A quick google search confirmed that no, it wasn’t a disease of “sin,” but they really sang “self.” Cancer? Sickness? No wonder so many of us despise ourselves, even though we’re cherished by God and handcrafted in His image! While I can now distinguish between myself and my “selfish ambition,” that wasn’t something I could grasp as a teenager. Blending this theology with insecurity and doubt certainly makes a way for some spiritual trouble. 

If that wasn’t enough to handle, let’s throw in the belief that Christians happily have everything together, joyfully overcoming problems with ease. We’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in our hearts, after all. FFH also thought so and declared it in “I’m Alright.”

Some say life is hard
Like swimming upstream
Or going against the grain
But I say life ain't that hard
'Cause I've seen how
The joy outweighs the pain
So you can sit and whine
About the times you've been having
Oh but as for me I choose to be
As happy as I can be

While the band does acknowledge that it’s God who takes care of trouble, the constraints of a four-minute song leave little room for acknowledging pain and grief. The listener (or back-up car singer) is pulled into the myth of perpetual positivity, a “choose joy” theology that ignores very real hurt in our lives- a hurt that a comforting God sees and gently heals. 

Taking a closer look at other past favorite songs sparked a bit of cynicism- not only at the music itself but at the church culture that produced it. I gained a renewed appreciation for All Star United, especially their song “La La Land.”  It’s a critique of what we often make of our faith, including prosperity gospel, choosing only happiness while ignoring difficulty, and even reducing our relationship with Christ to superficial “holy” superstition:

My Jesus decal does quite a trick
Right above my dashboard I stick it
A good luck charm, it keeps me from harm
And saves me from speeding tickets

I admit I frequently appreciate sarcasm and, more so, honest constructive criticism. It’s healthy and necessary to assess where we are and where we need to improve. Tossing my old cd collection would be silly; there’s so much beauty and truth there, too. But the music represents something bigger- our look at the ideas we’ve collected and internalized, the things we think about God. As we grow in our faith, what do we do when we uncover mistakes and misconceptions?

Ginny Owens has encouraging thoughts, and she shared them in “Without Condition”:

You can't find the answers
Till you learn to question;
You won't appear stupid
Just ask for direction.
You're insecure and it clouds your perception
So stop and listen
And learn a lesson in love without condition.

Questions aren’t doubts to be ashamed of, but open doors to going deeper and knowing Christ more than before. Discovering problems I have with some of these old songs is an opportunity. God graciously gives us so many occasions to reevaluate our faith in order to mature and be closer to Him. At first, that can seem a little scary, as if a foundation will crumble or knocking down one domino will topple them all. I don’t believe this is the case. Instead, God loves us so much that He walks through it with us, strengthening our faith. He weeds out the stuff that gets in the way of our understanding so that we have a beautifully tended garden of belief in Him. 

Maybe I’ll still listen to “In The Light,” but I’m definitely going to adjust the lyrics when I sing along. I don’t think the DC Talk guys will mind. And in the wild event that any CCM artists stumble upon this, I thank them for giving me a lot to think about, a place where God and I can meet to talk over things, and the beginning of a quest to better understand His Word. 

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It’s almost embarrassing how frequently I get stuck. This includes more in life than writing, of course. And while I haven’t quite figured out how to “get unstuck” from it all, there’s a handy little writers’ block tool that I stumbled upon a few years back. I present to you: The Observation Deck.

               Basically, it’s a deck of cards that contains creative exercises to help jump-start stalled ideas. When necessary, I draw one, follow the prompt, and revisit my piece of writing. Most of the time, it’s helpful. But I’ve been stuck on this one for months.

               It says, “Learn from the masters,” and the accompanying booklet directs me to study an expert writer or artist, then try to create something in their style that reflects what I’ve learned. Though it sounded fun, deciding whom to study and finding the time to do so eluded me. Was I stuck being stuck? Visions of Winnie the Pooh wedged in the hole to Rabbit’s house came to mind. Perhaps after a little bit of time, I’d also find some kind of inspiration to push and pull me out.

               That’s when a realization hit me like the time I unsuspectingly walked straight into a window (another embarrassing moment that involved multiple witnesses to my abrupt- and painful- discovery that what I thought was a doorway was actually extremely clean glass).

My current sudden- and less painful- epiphany: while I’d been distracted thinking about artistic masters, I ignored what I had already been learning from THE Master. And good gravy, we’ve been busy together. He’s been showing me His way and letting me practice with hands-on learning.

               Faith

               Jesus shows me His faithfulness. He demonstrates consistency, both historically and in my limited life experience. When He makes a promise, He comes through. Circumstances, on the other hand, are a whirlwind of change. Even when I’m able to handle external situations, the internal chaos of bipolar mood shifts requires attention. It’s a bit overwhelming. So Christ continues to be the Rock, the Anchor, and the solid Foundation in my storms. I practice trusting Him and finding peace there.

               Hope

               We’re all feeling stretched by the rising cost of living and those little surprises that make demands on our bank accounts. Car repair, healthcare, home maintenance…. I could go on, but that’s enough to cue anxiety’s dramatic entrance. Thankfully, we can run to the Master and our spiritual apprenticeship. While this is a personal struggle right now, God shows me His provision and timing when it appears that everything is falling apart. Support from loved ones, a side job, and creative solutions came at just the right time- too specific to be coincidence. He’s teaching me that when we despair, we have no idea what can change in the very next moment. The things He’s done in the past give us ample reason to believe that He will continue to provide goodness. As Beth Moore pointed out on Twitter a few months ago, “There’s too much history for there to be no future.” Giving up is unnecessary as we hold onto God’s hope.

               Love

               It’s impossible to observe the Master and not be overwhelmed by love. Practicing that as a human though? That’s incredibly challenging. There are more examples of His compassion and nurture than I can list, and they’re tightly woven into every day. But as I receive Jesus’ love, am I sharing it? The Master is repeatedly demonstrating how to love my neighbor and instructing me to follow His lead. This is an ongoing challenge. While I have fallen into the rhythms of serving in church ministry, am I actually loving others? Do I see them the way God does? Am I considering their best interests or assuming what they need? Is my heart truly motivated by Christ’s compassion? Or am I only offering kindness because I think it’s morally correct? God patiently shows me how to love, and I clumsily attempt to be like Him.

               And so my apprenticeship continues. It’s all still in progress and I’m immensely grateful to slowly grow to be more like Jesus. I’m pretty sure we’re going to stick with these basics until I get a little better at them, but I’m eager to advance to the next lesson whenever I’m ready. There’s so much to learn from the Master.

               But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did. (1 John 2:5-6)

               Fellow apprentice, what is He teaching you? I’d sincerely love to hear about it, either by email or in the post comments. Thank you for sharing the things you’re practicing, too!

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               At the risk of sounding like Adele, hello from the other side (and sorry if that’s now stuck in your head)! The book has been submitted to the publisher and has entered the editorial process. Now we have a year to prepare Stories From the Sidelines for its debut. I fully intend to include you in this adventure, so you’ll be the first to hear updates. Thank you for coming along!

               You know those nights when you can’t quite fall asleep, and you remember the most random things? Of course, that always seems to include awkward moments where we wish we had said or done something differently. That’s also where my brain is with the book, considering tiny details or a complete start-from-scratch revision! And so I get the difficult opportunity to practice trust as I place the book in God’s hands (and the publisher’s, too). Why doesn’t releasing control of these things ever seem to get easier? God has consistently proven His goodness and capabilities, yet when it’s once again time to let go, I’m grasping so tightly that He practically has to pry my fingers off the matter. It’s not like I can do a better job of handling these things than the Creator of the Universe. Still, the Lord and I wrestle with my control issues each. and. every. time.

               It would be easy for me to grab a comforting passage of Scripture and remind us that we don’t have to worry, how great God is, how much He loves us, and that He‘s working all things out for our good. While all of these things are extremely true, it feels a little too neat and tidy, skipping over very real challenges in favor of desired results.

               First, we wouldn’t only read the first chapter and last few pages of a book, right? Yes, I know there are some of us who skip ahead and read the end, then go back and find out how it reaches that final conclusion. But no matter how we prefer to read, we’re still invested in everything that happens in the middle- the victories, the failures, the jokes and the drama, the relationships and character growth. What a waste it would be if we only read the first and last chapter, put down the book, and moved on to the next! You see where I’m going with this, I bet.

               The messy middle is where our lives happen, and it’s so rich and full: hard sometimes but joyful at others, thrilling occasionally, a little mundane more often than we’d like. We have our own victories, failures, jokes and drama, relationships and character growth. The steps we take to living out the words of Scripture are vital. That’s how they go from our ears to our minds to our hearts. Then we’ll truly know that God is great, His compassion is infinite, He’s always with us and working things out, and therefore, worry isn’t necessary. But getting to this confidence takes more than reading the occasional Bible verse. We have to live it, and that’s hard.

               Besides, that brings us to the second reason that a neat and tidy explanation misses something: the ending is often unexpected. Yup, even for the skip-ahead readers. What we think we saw on the last few pages is very often much different when we have the full context of the story. When we read Romans 8:28, we often have a determined idea what good God is working out for us. But if things don’t end the way we think they should, disappointment and confusion can creep in. At that moment, we remember that the story is still being told, and it’s going in a surprising direction- and still a good direction.

               When I sat down to write this to you, I was going to tell you about my inch plant (or tradescantia, as all the serious plant people seem to call it. I’m not sure I even know how to pronounce that). What seemed like a disaster became something beautiful. I thought I would write about God’s transformation of broken things into wholeness, but it seems that little Inchy is demonstrating something else. You see, I didn’t buy this plant from a store or receive it from a thoughtful friend. Instead, I noticed purple and green striped leaves lying on the ground. It was just a scrap, an 18” vine with some leaves. I don’t know where it came from because there weren’t any other similar branches nearby. This lost and discarded piece was no longer attached to a whole, rooted plant. It was dying and at the end of its story.

               But there was more life left for the inch plant. It came home with me, and I trimmed it into two pieces. I don’t know that plants have feelings, but I can’t imagine pruning is any more comfortable for them than it is for us when our lives seem to be in seasons of painful purpose. The trimmings were soon settled into a pale green vase filled to the brim with water and low expectations of their future. If anything, they’d bring some color to my windowsill. Maybe that was their purpose and how their story happily ended.

               But not yet.

               Inchy grew roots and moved to a pot of soil, where it began to spread out. One day, I was careless, and accidentally broke off one of its vines. My initial sadness about destroying my plant was interrupted by the memory of those cuttings in the vase. You guessed it- the broken piece found a nice place on the windowsill. Once it had time to grow, I planted it in the pot with its leafy brethren.

               Our stories continue, too. The plot twists may be outrageous and full of colorful characters, but we’re going in a good direction. Unexpected endings can still be wonderful. That’s another reason we can fully trust God when life is spinning out of control or when we struggle to let go of little things. There’s no reason to rush through the messy middle and miss the treasures woven into the details. When we look back, we can confidently say to God, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You” (Isaiah 26:3).

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Hello, dear friends!

I’ll keep this check-in short and sweet as a quick little update (and an ask for prayer!). Though I’ve been thinking about things to share with you, all focus is currently on completing “Stories from the Sidelines.” Walking with lesser-known people through the pages of Scripture has been quite the journey, and I’m so eager to bring you along! Today, I’m working on the chapter about Apollos and God’s showing me that we don’t need to compartmentalize our life into faith and mainstream. He created our whole selves, and every one of our moments is part of His plan. There’s so much to dig into, and I promise to have more for you once the manuscript is off to the publisher!

If you happen to think about it, would you remember me in prayer sometime in the next three weeks? This is the “so close yet so far” stage where there’s still a lot to write and edit before it’s ready to move to the next part of the process. And- here’s some vulnerability- it’s also the time when imposter syndrome sneaks in and I start to question if anyone will want to read this at all. But I’m pushing forward while praying that God uses my humble offering, just like He had a meaningful purpose for a kid’s lunch of bread and fish.

Meanwhile, can I pray for you, too? I’d love to support you in whatever you’re walking through at the moment. Please don’t hesitate to comment or reply if you’re reading this in your email inbox. You matter and it’s a blessing to encourage one another.

Alright, I must get back to Apollos. For fun, I leave you with a cute pic of Yoshi’s new haircut and a glimpse of my church office with the pig the kids named Christina Patricia Bacon (Chris P. Bacon for short). Have a wonderful day today, perhaps even with a small, unexpected joy. Those little things make a big difference.

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               Hello from the sidelines.

               Wouldn’t you know that to equip a writer, God often takes us through the valley of trials so we can authentically share our experiences? As I write about overlooked biblical people, I see that their lives were filled with challenges, complexities, and subtle victories. Then I close the laptop and step back into my own modern life, realizing how surprisingly similar we are. They struggled with their faults and difficult circumstances, and here I am struggling with my mental health and situations beyond my control. How about you? Are you in a sidelines season right now? Does it seem like you’re being left behind, overlooked, or walking a valley of your own?

               We often find ourselves with questions during these seasons. What do I do? Why is this happening? Is there a purpose? When will the sun shine again? We want to make sense of our situation and survive. As we talk to God and ponder our current condition, we frequently find ourselves walking a path into an increasingly dense forest of deeper questions. Before we know it, we’re thinking about philosophy, theology, and how the world works. Overwhelming, right?

               But questions are good. Jesus told us, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8). Questions create opportunities for increased understanding and growth. The process of asking is as important as receiving answers because any communication with the Lord means time in His presence. The more we talk, the more we connect with Him. And the more we listen, the better we know Him.

               However. (There always seems to be a “but.”) The answers don’t always seem to arrive when I’d like them to, or sometimes at all. What are we supposed to do with our hands full of questions and empty of explanations? Though scripture is our anchor as we seek, we quickly find out that the text is not always clear. After all, scholars have been studying for centuries and there’s still much we don’t understand about our God. He’s beyond our reasoning, our experience, and our brains’ capabilities. This is fantastic news, because we need a God who is big enough to care for a universe!

               Yet there’s something more happening here. I think that God is giving us a gift when we remain with questions. Sometimes it’s the blessing of a question as an answer. I asked, How do I understand what your Word says about sexuality and identity? He replied, What does my Word say about loving others? While there are still scriptures and context to grapple with, God’s question shows me what to do with my heart and my hands while my head is still learning. Lately, my brain has difficulty comprehending eternity, salvation, and the concept of hell. How can You love the world but so many miss You? How do I truly understand scripture? Is everything I learned as a child accurate? I don’t have answers yet, but I have this holy gift: faith in the valley.

               This isn’t blind faith that stubbornly closes its eyes and believes for no reason. That’s not a very secure way to trust. In fact, it’s a bit of a shaky foundation. No, this kind of faith is different. We look back at what God has done and see the evidence of His goodness. We recognize the consistency of His character. He is good. He is love. And like the man in Mark 9, we can also exclaim to the Lord, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

               If we had all the answers, it wouldn’t be faith because faith believes what is unseen (Hebrews 11:1). And this faith is only possible because the One we believe in is trustworthy and compassionate. He is almighty and a promise-keeper. He’s handling everything “behind the scenes” so that we don’t have to master it all in this lifetime. He’ll continue to grow and transform us at the perfect rate and knows how much we can take at a time. The Lord also knows that we sometimes learn better with hands-on experience than by reading or listening. He’s a detail-oriented God, and the key is His immense care for us. He wants us to know Him better, but we’ve got to go at a human pace that we can handle.

               The gift I love the most is sacred peace. I get incredibly frustrated when I don’t understand everything right away, which leads to insecurity and doubt. But faith in the valley comes with security when I have more questions than answers. Paul wrote to the Romans, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13). I can’t manufacture this peace, but the Holy Spirit provides it generously.

               Questions are a gift from God. They open the door to His blessings as we trust Him the best we can, day by day. This active trust increases our faith and gives us hope that, in the right time, we will understand. Maybe this is what Jesus meant when He encouraged us to have faith like a child. We can walk side by side with our Heavenly Father through the valleys, closer to Him with every step.

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               First, the exciting news! Stories from the Sidelines is the working title of my upcoming book, to be published by Ambassador International! I will continue to bring you along for the adventure of uncovering forgotten stories and discovering our own purpose.

Meanwhile, I’m gonna try to be transparent for a minute. Vulnerability is difficult for me, but we’ve learned that authenticity is crucial and sharing our struggles encourages each other. Writing is a challenge during the lows of bipolar disorder. I feel like I’m tucked away in the shadows while the rest of the world dances in the light. It’s from this place that I continue to record the stories of other sidelines folks in search of God’s purpose for us all.

               Recently, while procrastinating on the responsibility of writing, unexpected inspiration snuck into my Twitter feed. Musician Leah Wrenne posted:

               “I would like to learn how to tuck joy away for the days when the rain won’t stop coming down in sheets” - @arene204

               Her words resonated as I felt the last whispers of mania fade away, and depression came crashing, uninvited, through the roof. Why can’t I seem to hold on to the moments of joy to light the way through dark seasons? I mean real, lasting joy, full of substance beyond fleeting happiness. I imagine glimmers of light kept securely in a jar so I can carry its glow with me always.

               Leah’s tweet refused to evaporate from my thoughts, and these words jumped from my mind to my journal:

How do I keep joy
To save for the days
When rain's pouring down
And the sun hides its rays

'Cause when it feels cold
And cloudy and gray
I need joy's bright warmth
To keep storm winds at bay

When I'm lost in the dark
And don't know where to go
Can I reach for my joy?
Can I see by it's glow?

In moments so sweet
I long to hold dear
How do I grasp tight
So they stay closely near

If I could reach out
I'd catch them in flight
Place them in a jar
And preserve joy's pure light

When I laugh or I smile
Feel the love of a friend
I will not let it fade
Somehow won't let it end

I will cherish this joy
Keep it safe in my heart
I will practice and learn
Precious light-keeping art

               “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17).

               This post might not be wrapped in a neat and tidy bow. It’s a little different than my usual thoughts, but I wonder if I’m not the only one who feels this way, who thinks that maybe it’s possible to treasure fleeting rays of sunshine when storm clouds descend. When we sit together in the hard seasons, we remind each other that seasons change. We can hold on for a little bit longer until we see the light coming closer. We might have to squint to glimpse it in the distance, but it’s there.

               We have hope in Christ, the gift of joy from the Holy Spirit, and endless encouragement from God’s Holy Word. Also, while our struggles are real, the Lord sees our pain and He is compassionately caring for us in every season. And we have one another. I’ll hold the light when I can and share it with you. I know you’ll be there to do the same.

               “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

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               Though I was given a small suction cup hook so that I could hang the new creation in my window, I didn’t trust it to hold. After all, how many times have we all watched those rubbery plastic discs lose their grip? The thought of my glass butterfly crashing to the floor was too much to even consider, so I placed it safely on my shelf. Nestled among books and beach finds, I could admire its beauty safely.

               However, as it sits in the shadows, the once-radiant butterfly has lost its shine. In fact, it’s often forgotten in the landscape of my cluttered apartment. Without light shining through, it became dull and unremarkable. Perhaps the stained glass lost its purpose.

               You probably know where this is going, because we are meant for the light, too. Our very design is that the Light of Christ’s love would shine through us, illuminating the darkness. Our unique traits, flaws, and experiences are like the colors of stained glass, creating a mosaic masterpiece that comes alive in His Light. That’s where we display God’s beauty.

In the same way, let your light shine before others,
that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven,
(Matthew 5:16)

               Yet, how often do we find ourselves hiding in the shadows? Perhaps it’s too risky to step into His purpose for us. Like the possibility of the faulty suction cup, we fear that taking a chance and following His lead might end in disaster. Sure, we believe God, but we’re not confident we hear His voice clearly. We worry that a misunderstanding could lead to a mess.

               Then again, sometimes we don’t fully trust life in the Light. It could expose some things we’d rather keep in the darkness. We don’t want our mistakes and faults available for all to see, so it’s better to keep everything safely tucked away in the low light. I mean, a little light is better than none at all, right? Except we’re missing out on the blessing and purpose that’s found in the rays of God’s marvelous Light.

               Let’s move from the metaphor into real life. What does it mean to live in the Light?

               1. Dependence on the Light source

               We can’t illuminate ourselves. Even a stained glass lamp relies on a light bulb. When we recognize that we require God in our lives, we realize that we can’t achieve our purpose on our own. We can’t share God’s love if we are not filled with it. We need Him, always. That includes time with the Lord in prayer, studying His word, worship, and making Him part of each day.

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world.
Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
(John 8:12)

               2. Transparency with trust

               Oh, this one is difficult and a little scary. Being vulnerable can be terrifying, and of course, we need to use wisdom to know when, where, and with whom to safely share sensitive things. But being honest about our whole selves instead of only showing the “highlight reel” makes us available to be part of God’s transformative work, both in our own lives and for others. Finding out that someone else struggles like we do gives us hope and pulls us out of the isolation of shame. And that’s just the first step of God’s healing. When we trust God to hold our hearts carefully, we can bravely allow Him to shine His light, restore us, and be part of His compassion for our neighbors.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
(1 John 1:7)

               3. Live in the window

               We can’t hide on the bookshelf of extreme privacy or on a wall keeping our distance from others. We need to be in the open where Light can be seen. That means living in community, investing in relationships, and taking opportunities to be involved with loved ones and neighbors. Of course, this looks different for each of us; introverts and extroverts have many ways to live Light-filled lives. We must position ourselves in a place to fulfill God’s purpose, making ourselves available for anything He has planned.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do.
(Ephesians 2:10)

               The cool thing about living in the Light of God’s love is that we’re never alone. Besides being with Him, we’ve got the company of our fellow disciples. As we encourage one another, we marvel at the beauty He’s given us. This is your invitation to leave the shelf and come sparkle in the Light. We can’t wait to see Him make you shine.

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            As I strolled at the edge of the rolling surf, my eyes scanned the sand for unique shells or interesting rocks. Nearing a jetty, I noticed that a recent storm was powerful enough to rearrange the once-familiar boulders. It’s always a surprise to peek between the rocks for a glimpse of any creatures that might be hiding there. Moon snails, anemones, and even the occasional starfish are a treat. But that day, I discovered something I’d never seen before.

            The glass ball was approximately the size of an apple, solid, heavy, and battered to look frosted- the largest piece of sea glass I’d ever seen. This was a beach treasure unlike anything I’d ever found.

            Dishes and mugs filled the thrift store shelves in varying conditions, from pristine to disarray. It’s always fun to browse, hoping for a diamond in the rough of discarded household goods. All seemed pretty unremarkable until I spied a small lamp, shaped like a turtle, sitting among candles and alarm clocks. I knew it must go home with me, where its shell will glow steadfastly on top of my bookshelf. What a prize!

            My friend convinced me to join her on an errand with the promise of another thrift store. The chance of a surprising find enticed me to casually wander the racks and shelves, not looking for anything in particular. When I saw the teapot, I immediately had visions of green, leafy vines spilling from its top. The next errand was now the local plant store, because I couldn’t wait to begin growing a new philodendron on my windowsill.

            Jesus understood the thrill of discovery. He also knew the value of true treasure. Therefore, he told a story to His disciples so that they might see for themselves.

Jesus said, “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field” (Matthew 13:44).

            In only two sentences, we are captivated by quite a tale! Can you imagine the man’s excitement at the most amazing discovery he had ever made? He probably didn’t expect it at all, because who goes poking around an ordinary field hoping to find something valuable? Perhaps he was working the land or maybe even merely passing through on his way to somewhere else. But an actual treasure was worth more than his previous plans! There was not a moment to spare. He immediately did everything he could to buy that field and ensure that he wouldn’t lose his incredible find. It mattered more to him than the entire sum of his existing belongings; he was willing to trade it all for this treasure-bearing field!

            That, Jesus said, is like the kingdom of heaven. It is beyond amazing and far surpasses the worth of every single thing we currently hold dear to our hearts. God’s kingdom is not a only a future hope, but also here, now in our midst. When we encounter it, we experience enthusiastic joy as we instantly realize its beauty and priceless worth.

Could the kingdom of heaven be like a weathered glass ball, a glowing turtle, or a sprouting teapot?

            I think so. Because while seeing Jesus for the first time is definitely overwhelming joy, the kingdom of heaven continues to delight us as we discover more about it. Our first visit to the beach is wonderful, and there’s something new to enjoy each time we return. The shelves of the thrift store are ever-changing, creating opportunities for fresh finds. Similarly, God reveals never-ending treasures as He shows us more of His kingdom.

So far, I’ve found riches like:

Christ’s Community

Connecting with brothers and sisters in the Lord fills us with encouragement, helps us grow, gives comfort, and holds us accountable. What a gift!

Holy Spirit’s Presence

There have been tangible moments when I experienced God’s nearness. The Holy Spirit helps us remember truth, equips us with discernment, and guides us in wisdom.

God’s Love

This is so much that it’s nearly unfathomable. We are surrounded by His love through His attention to details in our lives and His provision of needs (and sometimes even wants). We witness the promises of scripture become reality, then understand the purpose He gives us while being part of His plan. God pours out His infinite love until it overflows. We could discover new ways that He loves us every single day and never take in the entire expanse of His compassion.

            The thing about beach-combing and thrift-store-hopping is that each discovery inspires more searching. If we found something this good, what other wonders could be out there? We are motivated to continue to seek treasure. May our fervent quest for even more of the kingdom of heaven yield riches beyond what we ever could imagine. A never-ending joy awaits.

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               Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness…

               I abruptly halted my reading of James 3. Something about verse 18 captured my attention, tugging at my heart. In that moment, it wouldn’t have shocked me if God cleared His throat and began to tell me something important. I was listening.

               Was it the planting imagery that gave me pause? Perhaps my new fascination with growing succulents, spider plants, and golden pothos on my windowsill was seeping into my study time. Or maybe childhood years in rural farm country surrounded by fields and a backyard garden rooted the analogy in my mind. But I was pretty sure that something else pulled at my spirit, a word that appeared twice in the short sentence- peace.

               The past few years have been anything but peaceful. So many of us are navigating personal chaos against the backdrop of a world in varying states of turmoil. Here, my days have been consumed with work at church, maintaining mental health, trying to write a book while reaching out to new readers, supporting loved ones, and dealing with life’s challenges as a single woman. All the while, the effects of a pandemic unfurl, politics rage, and more needs spring up in the community. I long for peace that lasts longer than a moment.

               And God supplies it.

               “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

               This is a promise from Jesus, the most trustworthy promise maker. In the preceding verse, He explains how the Holy Spirit will teach us and remind us of God’s truth. When we seek peace, we can reach out to the source, the compassionate Prince of Peace Himself, who is always with us.

               In the moments that I experience this supernatural peace, I both cherish it and fear that it is fleeting. How do we hold on to precious peace once we’ve received it? How can God’s peace not become lost in the whirlwinds around us? This is where James 3:18 caught my heart. When we’re given seeds of peace, perhaps we don’t merely hold them. We plant them.

               Because then peace can grow.

               Jesus declared in a hillside sermon that peacemakers are blessed children of God. Paul encouraged us to live at peace with everyone. And James told us to sow peace so that righteousness can bloom. What does this mean?

               We plant seeds of peace in small moments of kindness. We sow it when we respond to anger with gentleness. We establish it when we approach difficult conversations with the intent to listen and hear the heart of another instead of trying to win a debate or prove a point. Peace is rooted in caring for our communities, pursuing justice, and praying for our enemies. The Holy Spirit gives us an endless supply and we distribute it to those we encounter.

               Once we sow this peace, we are no longer in control of its growth. Just as we share it, the Holy Spirit empowers others to extend that gift of peace to someone else. The seed sprouts and develops branches, as if watered each time it’s offered to another. Then it grows as God softens hearts, comforts pain, and extends His love.

               So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. (1 Corinthians 3:7)

               Paul described sharing the gospel as a plant analogy. He established a church, then a teacher named Apollos continued to nurture maturing believers. Yet, like humans merely care for seeds in the ground, only God has the power to make them grow. So it is with the peace we sow.

               A farmer doesn’t prepare a field then abandon it. When the time is right, they enjoy the fruits of harvest. James tells us that our peace yields righteousness. Like the celebration of harvest, we can rejoice in a crop of God’s goodness! We might find it closer relationships, thriving communities, or enemies transformed into friends. We can look for blessings in the places we sowed peace. The season of growth might be long or short, but we can wait with expectant hope, certain that it will be ripe and ready in God’s perfect time.

               My windowsill garden is growing (partly because I keep adding new pots of plants). As I care for each sprout, I pray for the Holy Spirit’s gift of peace and the opportunity to plant its seeds. I’ll delight in flourishing succulents as I celebrate the joy of a harvest of righteousness around me. The first seed I’ll plant? Sharing this with you, praying that you experience the presence of the Spirit and find your heart full of God’s peace to sow.

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            Waiting is hard. It’s one of our poorer skills. The other day, I arrived at an event earlier than a friend (who had the tickets), and immediately used my phone to pass time. It didn’t take long to scroll through the socials, handle emails, check texts…. Still, there was more waiting. Standing there seemed awkward and I grew increasingly antsy until she arrived. That, my friends, was a mere ten minutes. If we are challenged by brief waiting, how do we handle it when God’s timing seems to have no visible end?

            “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” (Psalm 130:5)

            Life hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would, both in delightful surprises and plot twists that left me baffled. The season until I got married stretched on beyond what my adolescent self once imagined, then ended abruptly in divorce before I could catch my breath. Now I wonder what happens next. What about the family I anticipated? Visions of other future events remain out of reach. Will I ever live in a house instead of a small apartment? What about past dreams of a career in film or television production? Where is my writing going? I’m often convinced that it would be easier if only I knew what to expect on God’s timeline. Waiting is hard and lacking certainty increases the difficulty.

            Discussions on this topic inevitably result in someone reminding us that God’s timing is perfect- which is true. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything. Proverbs 16:9 points out that God directs our steps. Stories about God fill the pages of the Bible, demonstrating His careful attention to detail, provision, and care. However, when we feel that perhaps He’s forgotten us, these words don’t comfort us as intended.

            God’s promises to give us a glimmer of hope, even when that glimmer appears to be nothing more than a glowing ember. The same God who promised good future plans to the exiled Israelites in Jeremiah 29:11 has equally good purposes for us today (Ephesians 2:10 for reassurance). We reference Romans 8:28 when we forget that the Lord works all things for the good of those who love Him. It’s there in scripture, allowing us to cling to His hope.

            And yet. We wake up each day and still we wait. Time brings along its friends, questions and doubt. This season stretches on, seemingly infinite. We can’t help but ask if our hopes will ever become reality. Do we want the wrong thing? Does God have a different plan? Why have things happened this way and where the heck are we going?

            Does this mean that we lack faith? Or are we merely being realistic? Where do we draw the line before we give up? We recognize that sometimes God’s design varies from our plans. Often, He gives us something amazing that we never imagined! However, while we trust that He has our best interest in mind, we don’t have the luxury of His wide-angle view. Disappointment, longing, and confusion are real, and they can be intense. How do we handle this without giving up on God or giving up hope altogether?

            1. Honesty- We can ditch the idea that we must follow a script or a formal protocol when we talk to God. I mean, He already knows us so well that there’s nothing to keep from Him. So we talk to the Lord with every ounce of genuine sincerity in us. Discuss the hopes, the disappointment, the confusion, the questions. Express difficult feelings. When we have deep, real conversations with God, we grow closer to Him.

            2. Request- Ask for answers, understanding, and peace. Sometimes those appear delayed, but God doesn’t ignore or abandon us. He even has purpose for our season of waiting! So keep requesting and keep listening.

            3. Take each day, each step, at a time-When we try to rush ahead to big results, we overlook the treasures along the journey. Let’s keep our eyes open for God’s gifts in this abundant life that He promised. Often, they come in the forms of surprises or the very thing we desired in an unexpected way.

            While I questioned unfulfilled milestones, God took me by the hand and led me down a more adventurous path. A published book, a meaningful job in ministry, a home near the beach… blessings that fill my heart with gratitude. Yes, waiting remains difficult and the future unknown, but simultaneously I give thanks and treasure these gifts.

            Remember the three guys in the book of Daniel who found themselves thrown in a fiery furnace? The last thing they expected when they began serving the king was to be punished for their obedience to God. Before being tossed into the flames, they said:

            “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3:17-18)

            They had hopes of survival, but they were ready to accept any outcome. Their trust in God went beyond their own vision. In the depths of despair, they tightly grasped that faith. Then, they walked through the fire alongside the Lord. We can be disappointed, scared, worried, confused, frustrated, or angry… and simultaneously continue to pray, worship, seek, and live in His love. Trust happens while we wait; faith exists when much is unseen.

            Finally, pause for a moment, turn around, and look back. Where did you see God on your journey? What good things has He done so far? Celebrate them while holding space for the waiting. Know that He is the same God now, full of the same compassion, trustworthy in His care as much tomorrow as yesterday.

            I pray that you receive peace and encouragement as you wait. May your spirit be refreshed when you feel tired, and love surround you when life is hard. God has given us a gift of hope. Let’s help each other keep that ember aflame as we walk together into His good promises.

I never intended to take a break, but I don’t think it was an accident.

               Yet, here we are, in a brand-new year, and I’m finally sitting down to put thoughts on the page. The weeks have been full of holiday happening and work busyness, but empty of much writing. However, there were gifts that I want you to have, too.

               Many of us are well-acquainted with urgency, pressure, and deadlines. They pull us in a thousand directions at once until we are stretched so tight and thin we feel like we’ll snap. Yet, how much of it is self-assigned? Gift #1 is the opportunity to evaluate. January is a beginning and the perfect time to adjust for the months to come. Of course, life requires much of us. Rent needs to be paid and kids must be fed regularly. But, if we’re honest, what items did we boldly write on our to-do list because we think we should do them? What stressors have we unnecessarily added?

               The first week of December flew by, and I panicked when I missed my deadline to write to you. Then I remembered that I was the one who decided to post weekly, and that you would be very understanding if I took a little time to shift my focus. This caused me to look at the other things that hovered like a cloud over my head, demanding attention and showering down guilt until I completed them. That guilt is so heavy, isn’t it?

               Which brings me to Gift #2: we do not have to do it all. If you were waiting for permission, here it is. Again, there are some non-negotiables, but you are not single-handedly responsible for maintaining the operations of the world. Yes, you laughed and rolled your eyes at that because of course that’s an exaggerated idea and you’d never dream of assuming such a demanding job. Though, come to think of it, as we try to balance everything, we keep taking just one more thing out of God’s hands and grasping it in our own. Let’s give it back to Him and ask how He’d like us to participate.

               As the days of December rolled along, I kept grabbing things from God that I thought I should (there’s that word again) be handling. A lot is happening at work, and surely I must give all effort there. Oh, and the holidays! Gift-giving and event-attending and house-decorating and cookie-baking and…. Surely I must savor the season fully. And then there’s the book I’m writing and all the business that comes along with author-ing. The more I tried to do, the less I trusted that God had much of it under control.

               That’s a realization that can stop a disciple in their tracks.

               Meanwhile, I began to understand that I’ve given too much power to guilt. Where did it come from? A closer examination reveals that it seems to be a combo of societal messaging, comparison to others, and our own imaginations. Ok, we can deal with that.

               Gift #3 is a good one. Imagine what happens when we unload our armful of gathered shoulds, assumed have-tos, or even that pesky-but-unnecessary guilt, and pile them at the feet of Jesus. In return, we are free to live the abundant life He gives! When we postpone pressures that we’ve assigned to ourselves or abandon assignments that never needed to be on our shoulders, we have time for truly important things. For me, I was able to enjoy Advent with study and reflection while lighting candles on a wreath. Christmas gifting became personal and deliberate, an act of care that also involved time with loved ones. I mean, after all these years of scrambling to fulfill a shopping list, I finally realized that small, thoughtful gifts accompanied by a cup of coffee or a heartfelt, unrushed conversation are treasures.

               When these three gifts are collected, they form Gift #4: rest. Jesus offers, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30).

               He’s not demanding us to strive until exhaustion. Instead, He gives us a life full of His goodness and the opportunity to participate in the adventure of His kingdom work.

               Life is not a race, and there are no trophies for accomplishing the most or doing them the quickest. Success is not measured by dollars earned or a list of achievements. It’s found in living out the love of God, following Him closely, and pursuing the purpose He designed for each of us.

               Luke 10:38-42 puts the spotlight on two sisters who had different approaches to hosting their friend, Jesus. One sister expressed her love through hospitality, the other by spending quality time with Christ. When the busy sister grew exasperated, possibly overwhelmed at working alone, she hoped that Jesus would influence her sister to pitch in! However, Jesus shifted her perspective by pointing out that many worrisome things were unnecessary. Instead, time with the Lord- the Messiah, the Savior, their dear friend- was what mattered most.

               “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)

               Letting go of our shoulds and unnecessary urgencies is scary. It feels like we’re not in control and that everything will fall apart. But we aren’t releasing them into the wind and watching them disappear on the horizon. Instead, we place them in the capable hands of the One who’s truly in control, who is good, and who loves us so compassionately. He gives the best gifts, doesn’t He?

Staring into the darkness, I couldn’t bring myself to leave my bed. Only a narrow stream of fading sunlight slipped in through a gap in the curtains. I had been there all day, alternating between crying, sleeping, and staring at the shadows in this tiny apartment that was suddenly my home. Alone, because I no longer had a place with my husband. Now I walked a valley called divorce.

               Losing almost everything while dreams were shattered extinguished any hope. Hope believes there will be light on the other side of the darkness. It implies that pain is only temporary. But this… this seemed infinite. If there was an end to this season, if there was any kind of future at all, the hurt could still last for too long. With sorrow comes a flood of doubt, sweeping away the last remnants of hope, clouding the view of tomorrow.

               Without hope, there could not be joy. Happiness existed for other people, far away from my own heart. And peace? I barely remembered what that felt like. The turmoil had settled in so long ago that it became a fixture. The landscape changed from fights and arguments to hollow silence, but the sleepless nights remained. I was grasping for God in the dark.

               And this also is Advent.

               Thousands of years before this moment, God’s people waited in spiritual darkness. They were told a Savior was coming, but when? Centuries stretched on with no sign of Messiah. Though now we count down the days until we celebrate the birth of the Lord, they had no calendars of chocolate, no paper chains to tear, no end in sight. Indefinite waiting brings that flood of doubt, washing out hope, joy, and peace.

               But then there’s love. For me, it was a glimmer of light in the darkness. Caring people wrapped me in prayer, provision, and their presence- tangible gifts from our compassionate God. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows (James 1:17). They loved me as God loves, helping me recognize how His faithful, everlasting tenderness poured directly into my heart. Love helped me take one feeble step at a time through the dark valley.

               That love came with hope: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1). I couldn’t yet imagine a bright future, but I could trust the One who held it in His hands.

               There was peace: He says, “Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10), calming my fears and somehow letting me sleep as I trusted problems and heaviness to His sovereign care.

               Even joy crept in: Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5b). I wasn’t quite ready to rejoice, but a small smile for a brief moment or an occasional laugh at a friend’s light-hearted comments slowly warmed my heart as if sitting near a fire on a cold night.

               The miracle of Advent is not bound by a calendar or a holiday. We hold Advent in our hearts during each of our most difficult circumstances and bleakest seasons. But, dear one, we are never in the dark alone. God holds and strengthens us in the waiting, the unknown, and the pain. Like those before us, we wait not only for Christ’s return, but for the light to come back into our lives, all without knowing exactly when that will be.

We often rush the weeks leading up to our Christmas celebration because our eyes are so focused on what is coming. Then we miss the fullness of the gifts Advent brings. Our Savior is near, surrounding us in the richness of His love, encouraging us with hope that defies our situation, giving us just enough joy to help our hearts stay tender, and covering us with peace beyond comprehension. There is purpose to our Advent season, being close to God as He heals us and prepares us for the days to come.

These gifts open our eyes to His nurturing presence in every moment. He is the Light in our dark- brighter, steadier, and longer lasting than the candles on our Advent wreath. And so we wait, our hand securely in His, knowing that rescue is coming. There is hope, joy, and peace because there is His love.

               The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned…For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:2 & 6 NIV).