Casually Cynical Musings
CCM Memories Today (plus some book news)
As we celebrate gratitude, I’d like you to know that I’m thankful for you! I pray that however the holidays are finding you, that there’s peace and the encouragement that you are cherished by God.
Before sharing how a nostalgic Spotify playlist turned out to be more than expected, I have a little book news!
It’s not public yet, but I got a glimpse of the cover for “Stories From the Sidelines!” The Ambassador International team is doing an amazing job once again. I can’t wait to show you, because it’s pretty beautiful. Until then, here’s the previous cover by their design team to help you imagine what the next one could be.
Meanwhile, have you heard of Shepherd? It’s a fabulous new site where authors recommend their favorite books, usually on a theme to make it easier to find something you know you’ll love. The list I compiled is a group of books that encouraged me when my spiritual life wasn’t feeling so great. You can find it here.
Ok, now for stuff that was on my mind and I’m hoping you might be able to relate.
Is there a name for the phenomena where music nestles itself so securely in the folds of our brains that it becomes rooted forever? Though it might temporarily hide, the smallest reminder brings it front and center, demonstrating our remarkable talent for remembering the Doublemint gum jingle or every word of the Old Navy Performance Fleece commercial or all the various lyrics we enthusiastically sang in our cars over the past decade.
Those examples are so very clearly from the 90s (yes, current teenagers, we hear you call it the late 1900s), and they aren’t the only tunes lodged in my hippocampus. That era of CCM (contemporary Christian music) provided the soundtrack to my small-town-Ohio high school years, featuring Third Day, DC Talk, Jennifer Knapp, The Newsboys, Rebecca St. James, and so many more. They produced abundant catchy songs, wrapping nuggets of theology in their harmonious rhythms.
My faith was beginning to sprout beyond Sunday School lessons and easy acceptance of my parents’ beliefs. My developing mind questioned and analyzed, with just enough rebellion to challenge some of what I’d been taught. However, whatever the so-very-cool musicians were crooning from my discman headphones must be correct. After all, they wouldn’t let just anyone record an album, right?
And so my formative spiritual years were heavily influenced by concerts and cds. Ideas about God were woven subtly into my heart and helped shape what I believed without me even realizing it. Years later (let’s not count how many), the occasional nostalgic playlist brings them out of hiding, surprising me at what I’ve held onto for all these years (that we’re still not counting).
The first bouncy notes of DC Talk’s “In The Light” cued a light-hearted sing-a-long. An uplifting chorus declared that we want to be in the light just as God is in the light, shining like the stars in the heavens. Verses examined our struggle with sin and the need for the Lord’s righteousness. But when the second verse began, I suddenly heard the words coming out of my own mouth:
The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control
Hold up. I’m not gonna get too deep into a therapy session here, but suddenly a lot of my issues with self-loathing were waving their little flags. Maybe I’d misheard it all these years? A quick google search confirmed that no, it wasn’t a disease of “sin,” but they really sang “self.” Cancer? Sickness? No wonder so many of us despise ourselves, even though we’re cherished by God and handcrafted in His image! While I can now distinguish between myself and my “selfish ambition,” that wasn’t something I could grasp as a teenager. Blending this theology with insecurity and doubt certainly makes a way for some spiritual trouble.
If that wasn’t enough to handle, let’s throw in the belief that Christians happily have everything together, joyfully overcoming problems with ease. We’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in our hearts, after all. FFH also thought so and declared it in “I’m Alright.”
Some say life is hard
Like swimming upstream
Or going against the grain
But I say life ain't that hard
'Cause I've seen how
The joy outweighs the pain
So you can sit and whine
About the times you've been having
Oh but as for me I choose to be
As happy as I can be
While the band does acknowledge that it’s God who takes care of trouble, the constraints of a four-minute song leave little room for acknowledging pain and grief. The listener (or back-up car singer) is pulled into the myth of perpetual positivity, a “choose joy” theology that ignores very real hurt in our lives- a hurt that a comforting God sees and gently heals.
Taking a closer look at other past favorite songs sparked a bit of cynicism- not only at the music itself but at the church culture that produced it. I gained a renewed appreciation for All Star United, especially their song “La La Land.” It’s a critique of what we often make of our faith, including prosperity gospel, choosing only happiness while ignoring difficulty, and even reducing our relationship with Christ to superficial “holy” superstition:
My Jesus decal does quite a trick
Right above my dashboard I stick it
A good luck charm, it keeps me from harm
And saves me from speeding tickets
I admit I frequently appreciate sarcasm and, more so, honest constructive criticism. It’s healthy and necessary to assess where we are and where we need to improve. Tossing my old cd collection would be silly; there’s so much beauty and truth there, too. But the music represents something bigger- our look at the ideas we’ve collected and internalized, the things we think about God. As we grow in our faith, what do we do when we uncover mistakes and misconceptions?
Ginny Owens has encouraging thoughts, and she shared them in “Without Condition”:
You can't find the answers
Till you learn to question;
You won't appear stupid
Just ask for direction.
You're insecure and it clouds your perception
So stop and listen
And learn a lesson in love without condition.
Questions aren’t doubts to be ashamed of, but open doors to going deeper and knowing Christ more than before. Discovering problems I have with some of these old songs is an opportunity. God graciously gives us so many occasions to reevaluate our faith in order to mature and be closer to Him. At first, that can seem a little scary, as if a foundation will crumble or knocking down one domino will topple them all. I don’t believe this is the case. Instead, God loves us so much that He walks through it with us, strengthening our faith. He weeds out the stuff that gets in the way of our understanding so that we have a beautifully tended garden of belief in Him.
Maybe I’ll still listen to “In The Light,” but I’m definitely going to adjust the lyrics when I sing along. I don’t think the DC Talk guys will mind. And in the wild event that any CCM artists stumble upon this, I thank them for giving me a lot to think about, a place where God and I can meet to talk over things, and the beginning of a quest to better understand His Word.
Excellent.