Saving Joy
Straight from my journal and with bonus good news!
First, the exciting news! Stories from the Sidelines is the working title of my upcoming book, to be published by Ambassador International! I will continue to bring you along for the adventure of uncovering forgotten stories and discovering our own purpose.
Meanwhile, I’m gonna try to be transparent for a minute. Vulnerability is difficult for me, but we’ve learned that authenticity is crucial and sharing our struggles encourages each other. Writing is a challenge during the lows of bipolar disorder. I feel like I’m tucked away in the shadows while the rest of the world dances in the light. It’s from this place that I continue to record the stories of other sidelines folks in search of God’s purpose for us all.
Recently, while procrastinating on the responsibility of writing, unexpected inspiration snuck into my Twitter feed. Musician Leah Wrenne posted:
“I would like to learn how to tuck joy away for the days when the rain won’t stop coming down in sheets” - @arene204
Her words resonated as I felt the last whispers of mania fade away, and depression came crashing, uninvited, through the roof. Why can’t I seem to hold on to the moments of joy to light the way through dark seasons? I mean real, lasting joy, full of substance beyond fleeting happiness. I imagine glimmers of light kept securely in a jar so I can carry its glow with me always.
Leah’s tweet refused to evaporate from my thoughts, and these words jumped from my mind to my journal:
How do I keep joy
To save for the days
When rain's pouring down
And the sun hides its rays
'Cause when it feels cold
And cloudy and gray
I need joy's bright warmth
To keep storm winds at bay
When I'm lost in the dark
And don't know where to go
Can I reach for my joy?
Can I see by it's glow?
In moments so sweet
I long to hold dear
How do I grasp tight
So they stay closely near
If I could reach out
I'd catch them in flight
Place them in a jar
And preserve joy's pure light
When I laugh or I smile
Feel the love of a friend
I will not let it fade
Somehow won't let it end
I will cherish this joy
Keep it safe in my heart
I will practice and learn
Precious light-keeping art
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17).
This post might not be wrapped in a neat and tidy bow. It’s a little different than my usual thoughts, but I wonder if I’m not the only one who feels this way, who thinks that maybe it’s possible to treasure fleeting rays of sunshine when storm clouds descend. When we sit together in the hard seasons, we remind each other that seasons change. We can hold on for a little bit longer until we see the light coming closer. We might have to squint to glimpse it in the distance, but it’s there.
We have hope in Christ, the gift of joy from the Holy Spirit, and endless encouragement from God’s Holy Word. Also, while our struggles are real, the Lord sees our pain and He is compassionately caring for us in every season. And we have one another. I’ll hold the light when I can and share it with you. I know you’ll be there to do the same.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Thanks for sharing the “real” - you’re right, you’re not the only one!
I appreciate your candor in what you shared. What an inspiration you are. I see you in the struggle yet, you continue to look for the light. I have a personal question for you. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't feel comfortable answering. Do you have Bipolar I or Bipolar II? I have Bipolar I. I know it is very dark. when I descend into the darkness after a mania The last time I experienced visual and auditory hallucinations. It is nothing like the TV telling me to kill somebody or anything like that. Most of mine are like seeing shadows, black objects. I hear whispers about how horrible I am and how it is better off not living. I believe they are demonic. The Word of God makes me feel condemned, so I stop reading it. I try to read my favorite verses, but even that is hard. I just thought I would tell you that I am amazed at your outlook during your dark times. If you need someone to write to or just to pray for you, my email is 7debm.cr@gmail.com. Have a blessed day of grace. Remember, God gives us enough grace to get us through every day of our lives, no matter how bleak they look. This I know. One of the things I try to keep in mind during those times is to make sure I don't judge my days as "good" or "bad". They are days filled with opportunities. God gives us the grace to face these opportunities with His strength. Another thing I learned when my mother was dying in hospice of liver failure was to choose joy. It was a rough six months with her. A bad liver creates ammonia throughout her body. It would go to her brain and act like dementia. One minute she would be with it and 30 minutes later she would be in a dream world where she would only know what her dreams were made of. I got us both a plaque that said, "Choose Joy". The first time I had to tell her she was dying, I showed her the plaque and shared with her that no matter what happened, we were both going to choose joy because she was going to be in the presence of Jesus soon. After that, I realized that I am always in the presence of Jesus and I can always choose joy. I kept the plaque when she died and I keep it on my desk to remind me.